


I'll Be Good

by meowvelous



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Background Relationships, Canonical Character Death, Canonical Child Abuse, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Late Night Conversations, Nightmares, Other, Past Character Death, Regret
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-02
Updated: 2021-01-02
Packaged: 2021-03-12 12:14:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28510251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meowvelous/pseuds/meowvelous
Summary: Catra has a lot to make up for, she knows that. But she wants to be better, and that means making amends to people that she's hurt.
Relationships: Adora & Bow & Catra & Glimmer (She-Ra), Adora & Catra (She-Ra), Adora/Catra (She-Ra), Bow & Glimmer (She-Ra), Bow/Glimmer (She-Ra), Catra & Glimmer (She-Ra)
Kudos: 23





	I'll Be Good

**Author's Note:**

> Fic title from the song "I'll Be Good" by Jaymes Young, inspired by [this animatic](https://youtu.be/HthMKEzvLWo).
> 
> All of this probably has been done before, but I'm hyper-focused on SPop right now, and my brain wouldn't let go of the idea for the first chapter, so.
> 
> This might have 4 chapters? We'll see.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for: canonical character death (Angella), canonical child abuse (Shadow Weaver to Catra and Adora).
> 
> Inspired by [this fanart](https://www.instagram.com/p/CI8q4R7gEhH/). Chapter title from "It's Quiet Uptown" from Hamilton;  
>  _There are moments that the words don't reach  
>  There's a grace too powerful to name  
> We push away what we can never understand  
> We push away the unimaginable  
> [...]  
> Forgiveness, can you imagine?_
> 
> Relationships are entirely background; Catra and Adora are in love (obviously), as are Bow and Glimmer. Things are purely platonic between the best friends squad.

_First, she was back in Hordak’s lab, hand on the lever. Looking over to Adora, seeing her pleading face. Feeling a thrill of victory as she pulled the lever. Everything went white, images skipping forward. Everything was perfect, until it wasn’t. Until Adora ruined it, like she_ always _did. Then they were back in the lab, and Adora was looking at her, with a cold anger that Catra didn't even know Adora was capable of. And Catra was slinking back into the shadows, with a sinking feeling like she’d broken something irreplaceable._

Catra sat up in bed, her heart pounding. There was a cold sweat on her back, as blankets slid down to pool around her lap. On the foot of the bed, Melog raised their head up, Catra’s anxiety turning their mane yellow and staticky looking.

Beside her, Adora stirred, eyes opening halfway. “What issit?” She slurred, dragging herself upright. Then, “What do you need?”

The instinct was there to tell Adora it was fine, to go back to sleep. Displays of weakness were discouraged, after all. It was followed, just as quickly, with memories of nights where their positions were reversed, with Adora jolting awake instead.

“Glimmer.” Catra’s voice was soft and raspy with sleep. “I need to talk to Glimmer.”

“Mmkay.” Adora pushed back the covers and got out of bed, as Catra did the same. Melog followed after them, out the room and down the hallway to the queen’s suite. 

Outside the door, Catra hesitated, hand going up to knock. But Adora just pushed the door open and walked in. “Glimmer,” Adora called in a half-whisper as she walked towards the bed, the other two trailing after her. “Catra needs to talk to you.”

Glimmer groaned loudly as she sat up, rubbing at her eyes. “Okay.” She sighed, getting out of bed. She changed places with Adora, who slipped into her spot, cuddling up to Bow (who hadn’t even stirred during all this). A moment later, Adora was asleep again.

Silently, Glimmer gestured for Catra to follow her out of the room, Melog shadowing their steps. They wandered through the quiet, empty hallways, dimly lit by the magical lamps on the wall. After a few minutes, Glimmer hid a yawn behind her hand, and broke the silence. “Okay, what is it?”

“I—” Catra cut herself off, grabbing one arm with the opposite hand. “Can we go somewhere more private?” Melog butted their head against her side, and she rested her hand on their head instead.

With a quiet sigh, Glimmer nodded vaguely, and changed the direction she was walking in. She could’ve just grabbed them and teleported somewhere, but she knew Catra still hated that. It was a small kindness, one Catra didn’t think she deserved.

They ended up in the palace’s garden, in the private wing. Where there was a statue of Angella, with lilies twined around it. Glimmer settled herself on the base, one leg crossed over the other. 

Catra faltered in the doorway, swallowing hard. Her ears flattened as her tail twitched agitatedly. She forced herself to move, one foot in front of the other, until she was sitting across from Glimmer. Melog settled at their feet, body leaned against Catra’s legs.

“So.” Glimmer tried again. “What happened?”

“I…” Catra steeled herself, pushing past everything that was screaming at her to stay silent. “I have to tell you…” Voice getting louder, “I killed your mom.” Confession released, she shrank back into herself.

Surprisingly, Glimmer didn’t look furious, as she should’ve been. Just tired. “No, you didn’t.”

That familiar old anger rose up in Catra. “You don’t know that! That I—”

“Pulled the lever to open the portal that she died to close. I know, Catra.” Glimmer’s voice stayed steady and gentle. “Adora told us everything, when we got back from the Fright Zone.”

“Oh.” Words suddenly deserted her. Catra hadn’t known that. That… didn’t make any sense. Then why…?

“But…” Glimmer finally looked up, her eyes wet. “Why did you do it?”

“Because—” Catra sighed, shrinking away. “When Adora and I were kids, we snuck into Shadow Weaver’s chambers. We saw something we shouldn’t have. Shadow Weaver… She threatened me, told us that I was only still there because Adora liked me. She said Adora had to keep me under control, or she’d _kill me_.”

Staying silent, Glimmer watched Catra speak, her gaze steady.

“It was always like that.” Catra pulled her knees to her chest, tail curling around her legs. Melog pressed against her, keeping contact, but she ignored them. “Adora, the chosen one. The hero. Me, the screw-up. The liability. Even after Adora left, and wasn’t there to protect me anymore. But I still…” She closed her eyes, remembering a prison cell, a moment of kindness. “I still wanted Shadow Weaver to love me.”

“When Shadow Weaver lost Hordak’s favor, the only thing keeping her alive was me. I _begged_ her to give me _something,_ some reason I could convince Hordak that she deserved to live. She…” Catra swallowed hard. It still hurt. “She tricked me into making it so she could escape and come to Bright Moon to find Adora. Even though she _knew_ it meant my life would be on the line instead. She… didn’t care.”

“Shadow Weaver only came here because she was dying, and She-Ra was the only one who could heal her.” Glimmer spoke up, voice soft.

With a jerky movement, Catra shrugged. That didn’t matter. “Then, when the Horde—when _we_ had Adora hostage, Shadow Weaver came back for her. She came to rescue Adora. And I…” Catra closed her eyes. It was so vivid, so easy to remember how it felt. “I was tired of living in a world where Adora got _everything_ just handed to her, while I did _whatever_ I could, and none of it mattered. Where _I didn’t matter._ ”

There were other things, she didn’t mention, other small hurts that added up to a gaping wound. Hordak’s oxygen trick; trying to protect Entrapta from it, only for Hordak to trust her instead of Catra. Losing, over and over, to Adora. Being left behind, time and time again. Feeling that she was _disposable_ , worthless.

“So you… pulled the lever, knowing what it would do?” Glimmer asked.

“Knowing that it was something Adora didn’t want, but Hordak did. And…” Catra sighed, struggling to find the words. “I _didn’t care_ what happened. I wanted everything to burn, so Adora would lose. Because… I blamed her for everything.”

“I blamed Adora too, for my mom dying.” Glimmer admitted, shamefaced. “I hated her for still being here, while my mom was gone. But…” Her eyes filled with tears. “Adora told me, my mom closed the portal because she wanted to be brave. Because she wanted to be more like my dad and me. You chose to open the portal, but my mom chose to close it.”

“But I hadn’t opened it at all—” Catra started.

“Hordak still might have,” Glimmer cut her off, voice insistent as she wiped away the tears. “We just don’t know. I don’t even know if Adora _could_ have closed the portal.” Adora described it as a whirling vortex, suspended in space, unreachable unless… You had wings.

“Catra…” Glimmer continued. “I miss my mom. I will _always_ miss her.” A quiet, ugly part of her, would always be angry that her mom had sacrificed herself, made the choice to leave her behind. “It won’t ever get better.” 

Catra winced, looking away. 

Glimmer reached out, gently taking Catra’s hands in her own, waiting until their eyes met. “All I can do is honor her memory by trying to follow her final wish. She wanted us to take care of each other.” She gently squeezed Catra’s hands. “And that includes you.”

With a choked sob, Catra threw herself forward, wrapping her arms around Glimmer. “I’m so sorry.”

“I know.” Glimmer murmured, hugging her back. “I know. And I…” She took a shuddering breath. “I know what it’s like too, to regret something. It’s my fault that Horde Prime found Etheria. If I hadn’t activated the Heart, he wouldn’t have found our planet. Everything we lost during Prime’s invasion, is because I made the wrong decision.” It was easier to admit it now, in hindsight, when before she had been so sure that she was doing the right thing.

“You didn’t know—” Catra protested, drawing back.

“And you didn’t know who was going to get hurt by the portal.” Glimmer pointed out. “We both made mistakes that we have to live with. We can’t change what happened, but we can try to do our best going forward.”

Slowly, Catra nodded. With a quiet noise, Melog butted up against her insistently. With a shaky smile, she brought her hand down to rest on their head. “Okay. Yeah.”

“Okay.” Glimmer smiled slightly. “C’mon. Let’s go back to bed, have a sleepover, best friends squad style.” Catra snorted, following after Glimmer to the doorway. She lingered back, one final moment, looking back at the statue of Angella. There was the familiar regret, and a new second-hand grief. But… Somehow, she felt a bit lighter, and could mirror the smile on the statue’s face as she left the garden.


End file.
